trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
