i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
