My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
