Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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