i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
