you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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