She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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