I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
