I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
