I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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