Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Enjoy the penises
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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