why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
