Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
