Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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