so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
