You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
