Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
