DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
