My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
