The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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