nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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