Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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