is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
