More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
