i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
