There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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