I never want to see another naked old woman again.
well you can't waste a boner
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
