If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Randomize
