drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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