I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
