I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
