we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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