Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
