in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
