are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
