just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
