we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
