Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
