She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
