the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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