in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
