I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
