Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
