i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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