yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
