good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
