My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
