I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I AM VODKA MAN
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
