Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
