I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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