My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My bed smells like the plague
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
