You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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