i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Randomize
