i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
